Sunday, 23 December 2018

Review - Timeline (British History)

Designed by Frederic Henry
Published by Esdevium Games
For 2 to 8 players, aged 8 to adult

Box art from the Timeline card game

Not a lot of people realise, but I'm a big old bag of insecurities and anxieties. When I'm in public, I put on a decent show, I'm not agoraphobic or anything like that, and it's not like I hate people (I happen to think that, in theory, the idea of people is quite a good one); but I'm uncomfortable in crowds, loathe public speaking, and really don't like getting too close to people until I know them really well. Put it this way: It's no coincidence I've ended up working a gig that means I don't ever have to leave my house and I can comfortably hide behind my words.

Sunday, 2 December 2018

Review - Warhammer Underworlds: Nightvault

Published by Games Workshop
For 2-4 players, aged 12 to adult

Warhammer Underworlds: Nightvault box art

I don't watch much television, but I always make a point of watching The Apprentice. It's pure train wreck TV; a show designed to make people look as bloody stupid as possible. I'm sure you've head of it. A bunch of hopefuls get put through the wringer in a series of implausible business scenarios designed exclusively to make them look like complete pillocks ("You have 12 hours to launch a new international superstore with 50p and a stick of chewing gum") . Cameras follow them, recording everything so it's possible to recut the footage exclusively to make them look like complete pillocks. And then at the end, Alan Sugar talks about himself a bit, says how hard he is to please, and then reads from a script of insults designed exclusively to make him look like a complete pillock while all the contestants simper, stab each other in the back, and call him "Sir" like they're a group of naughty schoolchildren.

Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Review - Labyrinth: The Duel

Designed by Marco Teubner
Published by Ravensburger
For 2 players, aged 8 to 99 years, apparently

Labyrinth: The Duel

Is there anything more terrifying than being lost in a dark maze, where the walls are constantly shifting, and you never know which way to turn? Well... probably, yes. Probably lots of things. Spiders, clowns, spiders dressed as clowns. The list is almost endless. But the truth is, it's Halloween and I should be reviewing something suitably creepy such as Warhammer Underworlds: Nightvault right now. Unfortunately my photographs aren't ready, and that means you get stuck with a review of Labyrinth: The Duel which I'm ham-fistedly trying to cram into a spooky framework.

So, let's all just pretend this is a really creepy game and we'll say no more about it...



Here goes...

Monday, 15 October 2018

Review - Sh!thead and the Dares (Shithead, Palace, Karma, etc.)

Published by Imagination Atlas Ltd
For 2-5 players, aged 13 to adult

Sh!thead and the Dares

A little while back, I invited a group of friends to come over to play board games. It's the sort of thing I do.

It was one of those lightweight games and heavyweight beers sort of events, and as the evening drifted into the night, several guests drifted away.

By about 3am, there were just three of us left. One of the remaining guests produced a deck of cards and suggested we play a little game he knew. It seemed like a good idea at the time. But it was late at night (or early in the morning), I'd had one too many sherbets, and what followed was something akin to a game of Go Johnny Go Go Go Go.

Tuesday, 11 September 2018

Review - The Walking Dead: All Out War

Published by Mantic Games
Designed by Mark Latham
For 1 or 2 players, aged 14 to adult

The Walking Dead: All Out War

So, I work from home (if what I do all day really counts as work). I have a little nook all my own, which is actually an extension on the front of my kitchen. It's quiet for most of the day, it's nice and bright, and most importantly of all, I'm incredibly close to my kettle. Because tea is basically the thing that makes me function on a level that closely approximates the way I have determined other humans are supposed to act.

But I'm not precious about my tea. I don't use loose leaves, I don't use a teapot, and I don't think I even own a cup and saucer.

No, I brew my tea in the mug I'm going to drink it from. I squeeze the teabag, and tannic acid be damned. I even add the milk before I take out the teabag. It's not like anybody else is here to see me do it.

Part of the reason for my complete disregard for any kind of etiquette.... drunkiquette?*... is because I'm always in a hurry. And being in a hurry comes with it's own tea-related problems. For example, quite often I'll put the teabag and the water in a mug, and then I think, "I'll just leave that to brew for a minute." And then I'll go off and do something else.

Eventually I'll come back to my tea to discover it's completely stewed. It'll have that gross film over the top that breaks up and sticks to the sides when you stir it, and it'll be just the wrong side of drinking temperature. And I'll make a sort of half-hearted attempt to sip at it, but really I've left it just a bit too long, and my hearts not in it, and the idea of tea isn't quite as appealing as it was 20 minutes ago.

Then I'm a bit sad.

And this, if you hadn't figured it out, is an incredibly laboured metaphor for my review for The Walking Dead: All Out War. And by "my review," I mean this review. The one you're reading. The slightly lukewarm one that my hearts not really in.